“Wow. A vow of silence? That’s fascinating. I’ve never met anyone who has made an actual vow of silence before. There’s someone over there who was once punched in the nose by Geoffrey Rush and I thought he was the most interesting guy at the party but your vow of silence thing is a lot more… So you’re actually a monk then? Like a full on… monk? Cool. Good nodding. I suppose you can nod as much as you like. As long as it doesn’t make any noise!  Ha ha!        …so are you not allowed to laugh either or did you just not think the silent-nodding joke was funny?  Right. Good head shaking as well.  Very quiet. Still I think it’s an excellent idea, there’s too much noise around as it is. I think silence is really golden and emails and status updates, well they’re just tin aren’t they? Silence is golden and email is tin. Rather clever that. Hang on I’m just going to tweet that. Don’t go and talk to anyone else I won’t be a minute….There. Sorry. So how long have you been quiet for would you say? Well you wouldn’t say obviously but…3 fingers. Three weeks? Three months? Three years! Bloody hell that’s a lot of silence. That’s really impressive. I once gave up wanking for Lent. Well I tried. Four days I lasted but there was this girl at the gym and… god I suppose you can’t do that either can you? Or does a vow of celibacy not include self celibacy…. Sorry, too personal a question. Forget I asked. God that would be harder than the silence. Although if I was going to be silent for three years I’d probably have to stop wanking because I tend to talk to myself when I’m going and give myself some encouragement. And of course if it’s a fantasy wank then it’s like a role play and I need to act out my part so…  Right. Sorry. Possibly didn’t need to tell you all of that. Well look it’s been great talking to you… well at you really. But you nodded a bit so you did your part. It’s been great. And good luck with the whole “not talking thing” I think it’s great it really is. Bye.”

“Wanker.”