• Jason D Geary

Elixir



It sits in a teardrop-shaped vile on the table in front of me. Faintly glowing. The Krone’s words echo in my memory, so clearly, I feel like I can see them swimming through the light green liquid in the vile.

I look closer. Maybe they are.

‘Drink this, and it will all be gone.’

All.

Gone.

The hurt. The guilt. The betrayal. The wondering. The weight of it all.

All gone.

The love. The laughter. The light. The moments that sit perfectly in memory.

All gone.

Is this what I want?

There it is. That question again. /Again/.

I pick up the vile, bring it to my nose and sniff. Acidic. The green vapour snakes up my nose, and I begin to forget.

I close my eyes to find her. There she is. Her eyes sink into her face. Her face turns to black. I can’t remember her name.

I can’t remember her name.

Shit. No. Panic.

I shake my head, and she appears again. She’s crying. It’s the moment she broke my heart. Again. A hard pain in my chest. I put my hand to the pain and feel tears well.

I open my eyes. My vision is obscured by tears, it doesn't matter; I can see the snow outside falling in huge flakes.

Snow. We used to catch flakes on our tongue.

Ugh.

I know why I want to forget this.

I put the vile to my lips and remind myself that I will be better for it. I feel like I’ve had this conversation with myself before.

Is this what I want?

I drink.

I feel it burn down my throat then twist up into my brain.

She fades, everything turns black.

I panic.

Is this what I want?


That question.


Why am I asking that question?


© Jason D Geary

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